Why Rest Feels So Hard

(Even When You’re Exhausted)

If rest feels uncomfortable, guilty, or oddly anxiety-provoking, there’s a good chance you’ve wondered what’s wrong with you.

You’re exhausted. You know you need rest. And yet when you finally slow down, your mind races, your body feels keyed up, or a quiet voice starts listing everything you “should” be doing instead.

That doesn’t mean you’re bad at resting.
It means your nervous system learned something very specific about safety, usefulness, and worth.

And it learned it well.

When Rest Doesn’t Feel Restful

Many people assume rest should feel obvious—like relief. But for a lot of burned-out women, rest feels anything but calming.

It can show up as:

• Guilt the moment you sit down

• Anxiety when there’s “nothing productive” happening

• The urge to distract instead of truly rest

• A sense that you need to earn rest before you’re allowed to stop

For years, my own “rest” often looked like collapsing. I’d land on the sofa with my phone, scrolling endlessly, or binge-watching something I didn’t even care about. Technically, I wasn’t working—but I wasn’t really resting either.

At the time, I didn’t name it as rest. I told myself I was just “wasting time” or “checking out.” And underneath that was guilt.

Looking back, I can see it clearly: my body needed rest, but my nervous system didn’t know how to allow it openly.

I’ve written more about when exhaustion becomes something deeper.

Collapse vs. Rest (and Why Your Nervous System Cares)

There’s an important difference between collapse and rest, especially when your nervous system has been under chronic stress.

Collapse is what happens after prolonged pushing, overriding, or holding everything together. It’s often numbing, foggy, or dissociative. The body shuts down because it has no other option left. It doesn’t reset the system—it just pauses it.

Rest, on the other hand, helps regulate a stressed nervous system.

True rest sends a different message to the body: You are safe enough to slow down.

It allows the nervous system to shift out of survival mode and begin settling—sometimes subtly, sometimes slowly.

This is also why many people say, “But I sit down and I still don’t feel rested.”

Not all activities that look like rest actually help the nervous system settle. High-stimulation scrolling or zoning out in front of something you don’t even enjoy can keep the body in a low-grade state of alert—even if you’re technically off your feet.

Gentler, lower-stakes forms of rest often feel different. Quieter. Less numbing. Sometimes even a little uncomfortable at first—because your system isn’t used to that kind of slowing yet.

Learning to Name Rest Out Loud

A few years ago, I started making a very intentional shift.

Instead of collapsing and feeling guilty afterward, I began telling myself—sometimes out loud—“I am resting now, and this is okay.”

That might sound small, but it wasn’t.

It required effort. It required reframing. And it also required boundaries.

I had to learn how to say—sometimes repeatedly—“I’m resting now.”
Not as an apology. Not as a negotiation. Just as a statement.

That meant letting my family hear it, learn it, and slowly adjust to it. They don’t always respect it perfectly. Sometimes I still have to repeat myself more than I’d like. But over time, it has helped. Naming my rest made it more real—not just for me, but for the people around me too.

I still bargain with myself sometimes.

“I’ve done this, this, and this—so now I can rest.”

The idea that rest has to be earned runs deep.

That bargaining isn’t a failure. It’s often a bridge. A way the nervous system experiments with safety before it fully trusts rest without conditions.

Rest doesn’t have to be perfect to be helpful.

Why Guilt Shows Up Around Rest

Guilt around rest usually isn’t about laziness. It’s about conditioning.

If you grew up needing to stay alert, responsible, emotionally attuned, or productive, your nervous system may have learned that slowing down meant risk. Being “on” became protective.

So when you rest, your body doesn’t immediately relax—it scans for danger.

That doesn’t mean rest isn’t working.
It means your nervous system hasn’t learned yet that rest can be safe.

Rest as a Nervous System Reset (Not a Moral Test)

Rest isn’t a reward for finishing everything.
It isn’t a moral failing when it feels hard.
And it isn’t something you have to master overnight.

Rest is one of the ways a stressed nervous system recalibrates.

It helps your body remember how to come down from constant vigilance—little by little, over time. Often with support.
I wrote about this more during the holiday season.

Therapy can help with this gently. Not by forcing rest, but by helping your nervous system relearn safety, permission, and regulation—without collapse.

If this resonated, you’re not broken.

You’re tired. And your system has been working very hard.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Reach out and get support when you’re ready.

Why Resting During the Holidays Is Not Lazy — It’s Healing

The holidays have a way of amplifying everything.

The expectations.
The noise.
The responsibilities.
The pressure to keep showing up — smiling, giving, holding it all together.

And if you’re a mom, caregiver, or woman who’s been carrying a lot for a long time, you may find yourself craving rest… while also feeling guilty for wanting it.

That internal conflict — I should be able to handle this — is not a character flaw.

It’s a nervous system signal.

Rest Is Not Indulgence. It’s Repair.

When you’ve been under prolonged stress, your body adapts by staying in a heightened state of alert. This is often called survival mode — where your nervous system is geared toward getting through the day, managing demands, and putting your own needs last.

Over time, that constant “on” state takes a toll.

You may notice:

• Exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix

• Irritability or emotional numbness

• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions

• A sense that even small tasks feel overwhelming

None of this means you’re lazy or unmotivated.

It means your nervous system hasn’t had the chance to downshift and recover.

Rest is how that repair happens.

Not scrolling.
Not numbing out.
Not collapsing at the end of the day from sheer depletion.

But intentional pauses that allow your system to settle — even briefly — so it doesn’t have to stay in fight, flight, or freeze.

Why Rest Feels So Uncomfortable for So Many Women

Many women — especially caregivers and mothers — have been conditioned to believe that rest must be earned.

After the to-do list is done.
After everyone else is taken care of.
After you’ve been productive enough to deserve it.

But when stress has been chronic, the to-do list never truly ends.

So rest keeps getting postponed — and guilt creeps in the moment you try.

That guilt isn’t intuition.
It’s conditioning.

And it’s one of the biggest barriers to healing from burnout.

Doing Less Is Not Giving Up

If I slow down, everything will fall apart.

In reality, the opposite is often true.

When you allow yourself to do less — even temporarily — you give your nervous system the chance to regulate. And when your system is more regulated, you think more clearly, respond more calmly, and feel more like yourself again.

This isn’t about becoming more productive.

It’s about becoming more present, more grounded, and less constantly overwhelmed.

Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is stop trying to fix yourself — and start listening to what your body has been asking for all along.

A Gentle Pause (If This Is Landing)

If you’re realizing how long you’ve been running on empty, therapy can help you slow things down and support your nervous system — without pushing you harder.

👉 You can reach out here:
https://www.risegentlytherapy.com/contact

Rest During the Holidays Looks Different for Everyone

Rest doesn’t have to mean disappearing or opting out of everything.

It might look like:

• Saying no to one obligation instead of all of them

• Leaving earlier than usual

• Lowering expectations for yourself (and others)

• Allowing quiet moments without filling them

These choices can feel radical when you’re used to holding everything together.

But they’re often the first steps toward healing — not signs of failure.

You’re Not Broken. You’re Exhausted.

If the holidays feel heavier than joyful, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.

It means you’ve been strong for a long time.

And strength without rest eventually becomes strain.

Therapy isn’t about fixing you or telling you to “do better.”
It’s about creating space — emotionally and physiologically — so you can breathe again.

So you don’t have to keep powering through.
So your nervous system can finally exhale.

You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone

If this resonated, you don’t have to carry it alone.
Therapy can help you slow down, reset your nervous system, and breathe again — without guilt.

Take the next gentle step — schedule a consultation here.

Making Space for Mixed Emotions During the Holidays

The holidays have a way of stirring up everything at once—joy, stress, nostalgia, grief, tenderness, resentment, overwhelm, love, loneliness. It’s all there, layered and real. And if you’re feeling pulled in ten different emotional directions right now, nothing is wrong with you. You’re human.

Most women I work with come into December already stretched thin. And then the season piles on more expectations, more decisions, more emotional labor, more pressure to “make it special” for everyone else. You’re carrying years of memories, family dynamics, losses, traditions, and invisible responsibilities that no one else sees.

So of course your emotions feel mixed.
Of course you feel both grateful and exhausted.
Of course you’re trying your best while also wishing someone would take something—anything—off your plate.

This season doesn’t require you to choose one emotional lane. You’re allowed to feel everything that’s true for you.

Here’s what it looks like to make space for mixed emotions:

• Letting yourself enjoy the good moments without pretending the hard ones aren’t there. Both can coexist.
• Noticing tension, resentment, or grief without judging yourself. Your feelings come from somewhere real.
• Allowing exhaustion to be a signal, not a failure. Your body is telling you it needs care.
• Remembering you don’t have to “perform” emotional cheerfulness for the world. Authenticity is easier to carry than perfection.

Mixed emotions don’t mean you’re doing the holidays wrong—they mean you’re showing up with your whole self. And that’s enough.

If this season feels heavy, tangled, or just too much, therapy can give you a place to slow down, breathe again, and feel supported instead of stretched.

If you’re craving steadiness and space to process everything you’re carrying, you can reach out anytime:
https://www.risegentlytherapy.com/contact