Why Rest Feels So Hard

(Even When You’re Exhausted)

If rest feels uncomfortable, guilty, or oddly anxiety-provoking, there’s a good chance you’ve wondered what’s wrong with you.

You’re exhausted. You know you need rest. And yet when you finally slow down, your mind races, your body feels keyed up, or a quiet voice starts listing everything you “should” be doing instead.

That doesn’t mean you’re bad at resting.
It means your nervous system learned something very specific about safety, usefulness, and worth.

And it learned it well.

When Rest Doesn’t Feel Restful

Many people assume rest should feel obvious—like relief. But for a lot of burned-out women, rest feels anything but calming.

It can show up as:

• Guilt the moment you sit down

• Anxiety when there’s “nothing productive” happening

• The urge to distract instead of truly rest

• A sense that you need to earn rest before you’re allowed to stop

For years, my own “rest” often looked like collapsing. I’d land on the sofa with my phone, scrolling endlessly, or binge-watching something I didn’t even care about. Technically, I wasn’t working—but I wasn’t really resting either.

At the time, I didn’t name it as rest. I told myself I was just “wasting time” or “checking out.” And underneath that was guilt.

Looking back, I can see it clearly: my body needed rest, but my nervous system didn’t know how to allow it openly.

I’ve written more about when exhaustion becomes something deeper.

Collapse vs. Rest (and Why Your Nervous System Cares)

There’s an important difference between collapse and rest, especially when your nervous system has been under chronic stress.

Collapse is what happens after prolonged pushing, overriding, or holding everything together. It’s often numbing, foggy, or dissociative. The body shuts down because it has no other option left. It doesn’t reset the system—it just pauses it.

Rest, on the other hand, helps regulate a stressed nervous system.

True rest sends a different message to the body: You are safe enough to slow down.

It allows the nervous system to shift out of survival mode and begin settling—sometimes subtly, sometimes slowly.

This is also why many people say, “But I sit down and I still don’t feel rested.”

Not all activities that look like rest actually help the nervous system settle. High-stimulation scrolling or zoning out in front of something you don’t even enjoy can keep the body in a low-grade state of alert—even if you’re technically off your feet.

Gentler, lower-stakes forms of rest often feel different. Quieter. Less numbing. Sometimes even a little uncomfortable at first—because your system isn’t used to that kind of slowing yet.

Learning to Name Rest Out Loud

A few years ago, I started making a very intentional shift.

Instead of collapsing and feeling guilty afterward, I began telling myself—sometimes out loud—“I am resting now, and this is okay.”

That might sound small, but it wasn’t.

It required effort. It required reframing. And it also required boundaries.

I had to learn how to say—sometimes repeatedly—“I’m resting now.”
Not as an apology. Not as a negotiation. Just as a statement.

That meant letting my family hear it, learn it, and slowly adjust to it. They don’t always respect it perfectly. Sometimes I still have to repeat myself more than I’d like. But over time, it has helped. Naming my rest made it more real—not just for me, but for the people around me too.

I still bargain with myself sometimes.

“I’ve done this, this, and this—so now I can rest.”

The idea that rest has to be earned runs deep.

That bargaining isn’t a failure. It’s often a bridge. A way the nervous system experiments with safety before it fully trusts rest without conditions.

Rest doesn’t have to be perfect to be helpful.

Why Guilt Shows Up Around Rest

Guilt around rest usually isn’t about laziness. It’s about conditioning.

If you grew up needing to stay alert, responsible, emotionally attuned, or productive, your nervous system may have learned that slowing down meant risk. Being “on” became protective.

So when you rest, your body doesn’t immediately relax—it scans for danger.

That doesn’t mean rest isn’t working.
It means your nervous system hasn’t learned yet that rest can be safe.

Rest as a Nervous System Reset (Not a Moral Test)

Rest isn’t a reward for finishing everything.
It isn’t a moral failing when it feels hard.
And it isn’t something you have to master overnight.

Rest is one of the ways a stressed nervous system recalibrates.

It helps your body remember how to come down from constant vigilance—little by little, over time. Often with support.
I wrote about this more during the holiday season.

Therapy can help with this gently. Not by forcing rest, but by helping your nervous system relearn safety, permission, and regulation—without collapse.

If this resonated, you’re not broken.

You’re tired. And your system has been working very hard.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Reach out and get support when you’re ready.

Getting Through Is Enough This Week

There’s a quiet pressure that shows up every December — the idea that the holidays should feel meaningful, joyful, or at least emotionally tidy.

But for many people, especially women and caregivers, this week isn’t peaceful. It’s demanding. Loud. Full. Complicated.

And if you’re just trying to make it through, that’s not a failure.

That’s reality.

This Is a “Hold Yourself Together” Week

The days leading up to Christmas often come with invisible labor:

• managing schedules and expectations

• navigating family dynamics

• holding space for other people’s emotions

• pushing through exhaustion because “it’s just a few more days”

Even when things are “fine,” they can still be heavy.

This is not the week to grow, reflect deeply, or reinvent yourself.
This is a week for containment.

Sometimes the healthiest goal is simply:

Get through it.

Mixed Feelings Are Normal — Even Expected

You can feel grateful and resentful at the same time.
You can love your family and still feel drained by them.
You can appreciate the season and still want it to be over.

There’s nothing wrong with you if the holidays bring up sadness, grief, irritability, or numbness — even if everything looks good on the outside.

Many people carry more emotional weight this week than they let on.

You Don’t Have to Process Everything Right Now

There’s a subtle pressure to “use the break” to rest, reflect, or heal.

But emotional processing requires space and safety, and this week rarely offers either.

It’s okay to:

• put feelings on a shelf for now

• stay in practical mode

• save the deeper work for later

You are allowed to wait.

Emotional processing requires space and safety — and this week rarely offers either.

For many women, individual therapy can become a place to slow down and make sense of what’s been held, once the holidays pass.

Rest Can Come After

If you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or counting the days until things slow down, that doesn’t mean you’re doing the holidays wrong.

It means you’re human.

There will be time — after the noise settles — to breathe, reflect, and figure out what you need next.

For now, getting through is enough.

A Gentle Note

If the holidays leave you feeling depleted, raw, or emotionally stretched thin, therapy can be a place to land afterward. You don’t have to unpack everything right now — support is available when you’re ready.

Why Resting During the Holidays Is Not Lazy — It’s Healing

The holidays have a way of amplifying everything.

The expectations.
The noise.
The responsibilities.
The pressure to keep showing up — smiling, giving, holding it all together.

And if you’re a mom, caregiver, or woman who’s been carrying a lot for a long time, you may find yourself craving rest… while also feeling guilty for wanting it.

That internal conflict — I should be able to handle this — is not a character flaw.

It’s a nervous system signal.

Rest Is Not Indulgence. It’s Repair.

When you’ve been under prolonged stress, your body adapts by staying in a heightened state of alert. This is often called survival mode — where your nervous system is geared toward getting through the day, managing demands, and putting your own needs last.

Over time, that constant “on” state takes a toll.

You may notice:

• Exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix

• Irritability or emotional numbness

• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions

• A sense that even small tasks feel overwhelming

None of this means you’re lazy or unmotivated.

It means your nervous system hasn’t had the chance to downshift and recover.

Rest is how that repair happens.

Not scrolling.
Not numbing out.
Not collapsing at the end of the day from sheer depletion.

But intentional pauses that allow your system to settle — even briefly — so it doesn’t have to stay in fight, flight, or freeze.

Why Rest Feels So Uncomfortable for So Many Women

Many women — especially caregivers and mothers — have been conditioned to believe that rest must be earned.

After the to-do list is done.
After everyone else is taken care of.
After you’ve been productive enough to deserve it.

But when stress has been chronic, the to-do list never truly ends.

So rest keeps getting postponed — and guilt creeps in the moment you try.

That guilt isn’t intuition.
It’s conditioning.

And it’s one of the biggest barriers to healing from burnout.

Doing Less Is Not Giving Up

If I slow down, everything will fall apart.

In reality, the opposite is often true.

When you allow yourself to do less — even temporarily — you give your nervous system the chance to regulate. And when your system is more regulated, you think more clearly, respond more calmly, and feel more like yourself again.

This isn’t about becoming more productive.

It’s about becoming more present, more grounded, and less constantly overwhelmed.

Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is stop trying to fix yourself — and start listening to what your body has been asking for all along.

A Gentle Pause (If This Is Landing)

If you’re realizing how long you’ve been running on empty, therapy can help you slow things down and support your nervous system — without pushing you harder.

👉 You can reach out here:
https://www.risegentlytherapy.com/contact

Rest During the Holidays Looks Different for Everyone

Rest doesn’t have to mean disappearing or opting out of everything.

It might look like:

• Saying no to one obligation instead of all of them

• Leaving earlier than usual

• Lowering expectations for yourself (and others)

• Allowing quiet moments without filling them

These choices can feel radical when you’re used to holding everything together.

But they’re often the first steps toward healing — not signs of failure.

You’re Not Broken. You’re Exhausted.

If the holidays feel heavier than joyful, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.

It means you’ve been strong for a long time.

And strength without rest eventually becomes strain.

Therapy isn’t about fixing you or telling you to “do better.”
It’s about creating space — emotionally and physiologically — so you can breathe again.

So you don’t have to keep powering through.
So your nervous system can finally exhale.

You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone

If this resonated, you don’t have to carry it alone.
Therapy can help you slow down, reset your nervous system, and breathe again — without guilt.

Take the next gentle step — schedule a consultation here.

You Don’t Have to Be Grateful for Everything to Be Thankful

When Gratitude Starts to Feel Like Pressure

Real gratitude is grounding and spacious. Forced gratitude feels like guilt.

If you’ve ever tried to write a gratitude list while holding back tears or exhaustion, you know the difference. Many women tell me they feel like they’re “failing” if they can’t find something positive in every situation. That’s not gratitude — that’s emotional bypassing, and it’s especially common during the holidays when expectations skyrocket.

Signs you’re experiencing forced gratitude:

• Feeling guilty for having negative emotions

• Telling yourself, “I shouldn’t complain”

• Feeling pressure to “look on the bright side”

• Feeling disconnected from the gratitude you’re writing or saying

• Feeling like gratitude equals minimizing your own pain

If holidays tend to heighten stress or burnout for you, you might also find my post on setting boundaries during the holidays helpful.

The Truth: Gratitude Doesn’t Require Perfection

You don’t have to be grateful for the hard things to appreciate what’s good.

You don’t have to turn every struggle into a “lesson.”

You don’t have to spiritualize burnout or wrap your pain in a bow to make it more acceptable.

You get to be human.

You get to feel more than one thing at a time.

You get to choose the type of gratitude that feels nourishing — not forced.

Three Gentle Ways to Practice Gratitude (Without Pretending Everything Is Fine)

1. Name what feels supportive right now

Not your “blessings.” Not the big-picture stuff. Just what makes today feel 1% more bearable.

Examples:

• A quiet cup of coffee

• A moment of sunlight

• A kid who slept in

• A partner who took over a task

• Something that made you smile, even for a second

This kind of gratitude doesn’t deny your reality — it anchors you inside it.

2. Acknowledge what has been hard

Honest gratitude can only exist when we allow space for honesty.

Try this journal prompt:

“What has been hard lately… and what has helped me get through it?”

You’re not required to be grateful for the hard thing — only to recognize your resilience, support, or capacity around it.

3. Practice “gentle gratitude” — not “toxic positivity”

Gentle gratitude sounds like:

• “I’m grateful for this small moment of calm.”

• “I appreciate the people who helped me today.”

• “I’m thankful for the parts of myself that keep showing up.”

Toxic positivity sounds like:

• “It could be worse.”

• “At least…”

• “Just be grateful.”

• “Good vibes only.”

One honors your reality. One erases it.

If Gratitude Feels Complicated, You’re Normal

Many women carry an enormous emotional load — caregiving, holidays, expectations, grief, anxiety, and invisible labor. Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means you’re human.

A Gentle Reminder for This Week

You don’t have to be grateful for everything.

You don’t have to find meaning in every hardship.

You don’t have to pretend this season is easier than it is.

You can be thankful and tired.

You can be appreciative and grieving.

You can be grateful and overwhelmed.

You can be hopeful and human.

If you’re craving a few simple practices to ground yourself during stressful moments, you can download my free “Gentle Reset Tools” here.

If the Holiday Season Feels Heavy, You’re Not Alone

If you’re craving space to breathe, reset, or untangle some of the overwhelm, therapy can help you create room for yourself again.

I support women in East Cobb/Marietta and across Georgia via telehealth who feel stretched thin and want a softer way to move through their days.

You deserve support too.